Often I look into situations with the eyes of discernment.  I don't always like what I see however I have learned that "forcing someone to see or hear" isn't the way to enlightening them either.  I can only teach you from experience and leading a 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60 + something to water and expecting them to drink is completely arrogant.  Why would you listen to me?  My words are based upon words of wisdom whether the wisdom was found in the pages of the Bible or another source.  I have usually lived the words I speak.  I do not presume myself to be above reproach because most importantly, I am human and completely flawed.  Though you may not view me with eyes that see those flaws, I inspect myself daily.  I test my motives and my thoughts before the throne of Almighty God.  I ask only to be a servant knowing full well a servant of this faith will endure the persecution; the hostility, attitudes, actions, and words of others who believe I am presenting a false front.  A house divided cannot stand.

But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord ~ Joshua 24:15

Facing persecution
I wonder when
those who believe themselves
to be above reproach
will understand
Jesus didn't call those
who appear perfect
He called those who
admit their failings
Take a hike
Pharisee
You who claim to be
so righteous
Allow the Lord to
reveal His hand
His word will show
His fruit will taste sweeter
He will show you a new
thing, a new path, a new
way to worship Him.
If you will only stay your
hand, release your
expectations
pre-conceived notions
of how the Lord does
His work

More poetry

My heart has ached
it has felt torn to pieces
another twenty four hours passes;
time moves by so slowly.

Yet this day is different
The sun is shining
brighter
There is a clarity to my

thoughts

The skip in my step
has returned
I am moving forward
meeting you in the middle
Our hands and arms
are outstretched and
suddenly, we are
intertwined in an
embrace filled with
joy and relief.

The day is coming
It is on the horizon
I can feel your touch
I can smell your scent
I know you are right
there in front of me.

You must look forward in life, to learning always and growing.  If you are not growing and living, you are dying and simply waiting for a place to lay your head.  

I am posting our favorite shots of our wedding because I want you to know dreams do come true.  You can marry your own Prince Charming and he is better than the fairy tale because he is 100% better than the book version.  This was merely the "official start" to our lives together.  He gave me his name and I wear it proudly.  We have blended our lives, our children, and even have a funny dog named Hamish.  

What really happened in Las Vegas. . .

I posted this on our wedding website and it is a wonderful reminder of what happened on our wedding day in 2013.  

We did get our marriage license. Go online and do the research people - we cut in front of everyone because we were prepared! There really is a taxi stand outside the marriage license bureau in Clark County.

We checked into the Bellagio - funny story - we went to the normal guest check-in and they had no reservation for us. No kidding. I presented the lady with my paperwork and she said "Well you belong in VIP Services!" It was like the Fairy Godmother had waved her magic wand. Our porter took us over to this nondescript doorway and held it open for us. It was another world in there! Free drinks, snacks, a tuxedo-clad server to wait on you, gorgeous ladies to greet us at the counter. It really was wonderful to be treated like a king and a queen!

Our suite was going to be prepared in an hour so we went to lunch at Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris hotel. It was amazing, seriously. Our server was delightful and the food was out of this world! We went back to our suite afterwards, stopped to play some slots because we had money to lose, ha ha, and kicked back for a while until our massage.

Our dinner that night was at the Picasso restaurant in the Bellagio. We were seated at the exact table you see Julia Roberts and George Clooney at in Ocean's Eleven. Our server presented us with a chilled bottle of glorious champagne and let us know we had to "drink it all". It was a gift from our friends who were mysteriously seated at a table behind us and loving the fact that we had no clue they were there! Dinner was amazing and when I say amazing, I mean, I have never had food melt in my mouth before this night. Surreal. The view was La Tour Eiffel, the show was the Bellagio fountains, the champagne was perfect, and there was so much love in that restaurant from our friends, from the staff graciously meeting our every need the night before our wedding, and from one another. It was an unforgettable experience surrounded by 10 million dollars in priceless art work - did I even mention the art work? 

We met our beloved friends and another couple after dinner for drinks in the VIP services area. Sharing our laughter and stories with two other couples who have loved us and our relationship from its beginning was so amazing!  We were blessed to have 20 friends and family who made the trip out to Las Vegas. 

The next day was filled with the busyness of preparation. My friend, Stephanie, was there helping curl my hair and soothe my nerves. There was a bathtub filled with ice for all the beer and sodas in preparation for the reception afterwards.  It seemed to be the best place since we had two huge bathrooms in our suite. My friend, Sherry showed up and helped to get me into my dress with Stef. Make-up, Patrick was walking around in a kilt, what else could a girl ask for?!

When we walked downstairs it was definitely a Pretty Woman moment of walking through a hotel lobby in a gorgeous gown, on the arm of the man you love, while he's wearing a kilt I might add, and having everyone turn to see you, move out of the way for you, take photographs, and call out congratulations for you. I am sure we're on a Facebook page somewhere in Japan ~ we joked to one another we are finally "Big In Japan"! It was an experience like no other, an unplanned perk of our wedding day, and when we arrived in the lobby to see our guests waiting patiently for us, we were so overwhelmed with the happiness of the moment. This was the best place to get married. Our friends and family were there. Everything was beautiful. Let's go start forever darling. . .

Oui, c'est vrai, Je parle le Francais. Pas tres bien, mind you, yet I keep learning it because I love this language and the beauty of the French. Mon dou dou me parle le Francais et oh, il est formidable!! Je l'aime!! ~ My words from a Pinterest board I have about all thing French. 

Today I want to tell you about my true love.  "Again?!" you gasp.  Yes, always.  Why?  First of all, he is the reason beyond all reasons.  It makes no sense I am sure; however, he is the reason, mon raison d'etre, my reason for being.  I like to tell Patrick I was created for him (I was conceived a month before he was born) and everything about me compliments him almost perfectly.  It is quite startling to be honest.  I reveal him and he reveals me. Our love is very true.  There is no act, no show for anyone in public.  We are pretty much the same everywhere and it is very important that our life be as such since I know we both hid our real selves and our respective unhappiness from too many for much too long.  

It is no secret, as my first paragraph states, I love the French language.  I lived in Germany, just outside of France, for two years of my life and was able to come and go into the country as most people travel to their neighboring state.  It was pure bliss!  I practiced my French conversational skills, which always need total immersion I might add, got around quite easily due to my knowledge of the written language, and enjoyed being in the country.   If I had any inkling that our paths crossed while overseas, I would have stayed.  Patrick was doing a semester abroad and living a few hours south of me in Aix au Provence.  Well, had I known,  I may have changed the trajectory of my life and remained, sought him out, and the rest would have been our history together.  Alas, we followed a long, parallel path to one another as fate would have it and yet still, here we are, together, after all our exploring we have "arrived at this place and known it for the first time" as T.S. Eliot says so beautifully.  

I miss Patrick when he is not around me.  He feels the same.  It is a new experience.  In the French language, you don't really say "I miss you" you say "tu me manques" which means "you are missing from me".  It is so true. Now that we have come to this love, whenever we are apart, we are missing from one another. Two halves have become one.  

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Well I have my wedding dress all fitted now.  I know, you're excited!  Moi aussi. It is an Oleg Cassini creation, really extravagant and so romantic.  I have to be honest and tell you it wasn't something I picked out.  The sales lady brought it to me and I tried it on.  When I stepped out of my dressing room closet, a roomful of women collectively gasped and all said "Oh you look so beautiful!  You have to buy that dress!"  Seriously.  It was ridiculous.  I am not the girl who gets all teary eyed about weddings or dresses or anything for that matter.  I kept trying it on and same thing would happen.  It was obviously meant to be mine.

When I had it altered, the real reason was my bust size had gone back to "normal", I had a lace up back put in and when I say "Wow!" I really mean it. Now an amazing couture creation has become a one-of-a-kind dress and I love it!  It is absolutely gorgeous, romantic, sexy, and sweet all rolled into a piece of fabric and intricate lacework.  I am amazed and honestly, I can't wait to wear it because it's beautiful.  But more than that because I will be standing beside my best friend, Patrick, and I will become his wife.  I can't wait for the day and yet, I don't want to rush it either.  This process has been so illuminating and planning it has been a lot of fun.

Patrick asked me to marry him a few years ago.  I know that might surprise you to hear but he did.  I was shocked and surprised at that moment.  We were in his black Cadillac in a neighborhood...no wine, no dinner, nothing you would expect a proposal to be.  Just two people in love.  I was so surprised.    Aren't women supposed to be the ones who really want to be wedded?  I wasn't expecting it at all.  He took my breath away.
Patrick is a romantic at heart, don't tell him I told you that, but he is.  He loves to love.  He has an amazingly sweet spirit and is incredibly kind and forgiving.  I am rendered speechless by the depth of his love and affection for me.

We told a lot of people we were getting married but made it "official" on the day before my birthday in 2012.  I was already wearing my ring, he had already proposed; it was just that day we revealed it to the world at large via social networking.  It was well received by most people.  Others have gone away mainly because I don't think they were ever really our true friends, just watching to see if we made it.   We made a list and sent out Save the Date cards.  Our friends have kept it under wraps for us and it's so good to know you still can be private about things if you choose to be.

We are making it.  We've been through a lot of hard times together and we are emerging into a new future.  It's wonderful and it's very challenging but I can't imagine my life any different now.  We're working on bringing all the kids together in the same place and I always thank God for the favor He showed us and continues to shower upon us.

We're looking in the same direction, together. We are moving forward, working on the details a life filled with children brings and we are realistic about the future. It will take more hard work to move forward but together we can accomplish anything.

Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same ~ Emily Bronte

Well now, it certainly has been awhile since I've posted anything.  Let me see if I can get you up to speed in a short summary.   I am happily divorced, living back in my home state of Indiana where I belong with the man who brought my heart and soul back to life.  His name is Patrick and I'm sure you'll learn more about him as time goes on.  He gifted me with three healthy and handsome sons.  I gave him two healthy and gorgeous twins; a boy and a girl, specifically the girl he had no idea he needed in his life.    To say our life is a little on the wild side with five children would certainly be an understatement yet life is lived to pass on your wisdom.  I can only hope all five children will know how amazing their new little family is and even though we haven't left behind the memory of the old families, the new one is growing up together quite nicely.

We are engaged!  I wish I could tell you what Patrick said when he got down on one knee but darn, I can't really remember now.  I think I was completely overwhelmed by the moment.   We have really been non-traditional about our relationship from the moment we decided to pursue it.  If I told you when he proposed the first time you might be shocked but then again, if you are ever around the two of us you may say you can't imagine two people who deserved to be together more than we do.    We're both learning how to love again.  It's not always a simple road.  We have a lot of pent up anger still and do foolish things to one another yet at the end of it, we realize we want this relationship more than any one situation or piece of pride is worth hanging onto. 

Last week, Patrick went with me to get my wedding dress fitted.  I told you we're doing things a bit off kilter.   Of course, he was studying the Drudge Report on his mobile while peering over the top to see me in the mirrors as I sauntered back and forth with a newly pinned hem and bustle.   He's amazing.  He wanted to come along and actually trumped one of my girlfriends who was going to join me so he could be there!  Pinch me please!!

I am planning a wedding.  Well actually, it's pretty much planned.  I have a date too however, it's not for public consumption yet.  I like to hold some cards close to my chest.  It will be a fantastic day to finally marry the man who makes my heart sing.  Patrick has so many wonderful qualities; intelligent, handsome, funny, sweet, kind hearted, steady, and stable.   He is the yin to my yang.  People naturally assume we are already married and often refer to us as husband and wife.  It's amazing to be with the right person even if the road was rocky to get to there, the ride is always worth it. 

So that pretty much sums it up.  Christmas is upon us and I am thankful it didn't snow much since I need to finish moving across town.  I promise to be back soon and maybe we can do something new this year...?!  What do you think?   We shall see! 

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty - Maya Angelou 


This is one of my favorite quotations.  I have it on a plaque in my office, visible to me always.   It reminds me of myself and every other beautiful soul I have encountered who seeks to better themselves.  The 'over-night sensations' these people seem to be ~ one day they are here on the scene and every thing about them begs for you to take notice ~ when in fact, they have been there all along.  Perhaps you didn't recognize them before they earned their wings?  They were paying their dues, struggling and seeking, losing everything including themselves only to gain so much more in the process.   We forget all the work that goes into becoming an overnight sensation.  We only relish and celebrate the person we see in front of us today.

Would you be willing to sacrifice the temporary for the long range plans and goals you have?  Temporary comfort is fleeting I have found.  Things and people change from moment to moment.   There is a point when sitting still is wonderful - happy moments - the birth of a child, the celebration of marriage, graduations, and birthdays.  Beyond that, we are always moving.  Some are moving backwards; looking forever in the past, wishing life would give them back something they lost or took for granted.  Others are moving forward; hesitantly at first, then more steadily because they realize there is no going back, there is no retrieving what is lost.  The good old days are over and trying to evoke them again and again will only lead to more frustration and unhappiness.

In order to become a butterfly the caterpillar must wait, unseen by the world, in its chrysalis.  Wings are formed, their mouth is changed from one that chews food to one that is able to drink nectar.  In time, it emerges, squeezed out, from its protective shell back into the world from which it retreated, completely transformed into a new creature.  It pauses only to dry its new wings and then flutters away, its beauty readily evident in flight.  How we delight in this metamorphosis when we are able to behold it!

Yet my question is this:  would you be willing to change some things in your life to take such flight?   Would you be willing to shed the unwanted in favor of such beauty?  Would you risk retreating into a chrysalis, not knowing yet how breathtaking the end result may be?  

I know I am willing.  Who is with me?  

I've been lost before. I'll bet you have to. I've been lost in cities, the countryside, and in foreign countries. Thankfully, it always turned out right when I stopped and asked for directions.  One time, I took a chance and followed the car with U.S. plates and it magically drove right by my hotel while in Canada.  Was it luck or the work of an Unseen Hand?

I've also been lost in life.  I wandered away from the safety of the shore and was left wondering exactly how to get back to it.  Tread water and wait for a boat or swim?   I needed to get back to myself, my purpose, what I believed in, and who I really was supposed to become.

I remember the day I gave the information for my dog tags to an administrative person in Chicago. I was in-processing since I didn't actually receive them until I was in Texas.  They take down your name, social security number, birth date, and religious preference.   I told the woman I had no religious preference at the time and she freaked out.  She began to admonish me for not believing, you name it.

I went on to explain that it wasn't that I did not believe but that I had no preference of a religion, not exactly the same thing.  The conversation escalated so much on her part that a supervisor came over to see what the problem was.  He then told the woman to mind her own business and put down my 'no preference' since they were my dog tags and not hers.

I have often looked at those dog tags and thought "I should have put down something".
I definitely regretted it. Yet years later, after I reaffirmed my commitment to the Lord at a non-denominational service, it struck me how the He had used my 'no preference' as a way to bring me closer to Him.

God does have a sense of humor.  He knew where I had been, how I felt with the countless faiths I had delved into and used a service without a specific doctrine to call me firmly into the fold.  Now when I come across my dog tags, I smile at them and run my thumb over the no preference line.  I thank God for finding me where I was.  He validated me and a choice I made.  He made it turn out for His glory and I am always amazed at how He always works things out for good and the good of those He has called.