Forever changed.

It began raining lightly as I stood by the grave side.  It was warm and wonderful, a cleansing rain.  Many in attendance ducked out from the canopy under waiting umbrellas, shielding themselves as they were guided back to their cars.   The soft and gentle drops of water splashed on my shoulders and hair, the meaning both beautiful and poignant. 
Someone offered me an umbrella and admonished me to get under it.  I spoke low yet clearly “It’s only water.  I do not mind”.   The safe covering was snatched away in haste as if I had burned them with my words.  

I wasn’t afraid of the rain, the beauty; the softness of it seemed to be a comfort to the sadness of the situation.  It was missed by most as they fretted about their appearance being diminished.  

In this rain, I felt the glory of the Lord.  I chose not to hide myself away from Him.  My clothing and hair would dry later but this one moment, this feeling, would be gone in an instant.

I turned my face to the sky, raindrops splashed across my cheeks and nose and I began to smile.  I finally knew what it meant to delight myself in the Lord.  In the beauty He brings through sorrow and through joy.  I decided then I wanted to reflect and live in His glory forever.  

Set sail; cast yourself out to sea and aim in the direction your heart yearns to follow.

I've been exploring all my life.  What was I exploring?   I have been exploring an uncharted territory in search of a treasure the world had yet to see.  I was in search of myself.

The Swahili word for journey is safari.  To go on safari is to leave the safety of the known around you and journey into the wilderness - the wildness - that is yet unknown. There could be danger lurking around every turn or there could be so much beauty it may take your breath away.  You will never know unless you go on a safari of your own, in search of yourself.  How long will it take you ask?  I don't have a lot of time, my life is going on here.

Well the Israelites spent forty years making an eleven day journey so I will say it naturally depends upon your attitude.  If you hem and haw and act like a spoiled child, it may take longer than necessary.

It is possible the journey need not interfere with your daily life.  You can take this safari each day, if only for a few minutes, to look within, to search for what you are missing, to seek meaning for your life.


And while you are on your safari, let me remind you to believe.  One of my favorite stories of belief is when Peter asked Jesus to let him walk on water to him.  Peter stepped out, I suspect very thrilled to begin his journey, and he walked on the water because he believed he could, but then he looked around and became terrified by the high waves, the circumstances pushing on him.   He lost his belief and went under.

Hear me in this: believe you can make this journey.  It takes a huge amount of faith to even step out of the boat.  You deserve to find what you are seeking whether it is peace, happiness, love, joy, a new outlet for your creative self, a new career, or a new relationship.

But you will never find it if you refuse to try. All is revealed to those who are persistent in seeking, in asking, and in knocking.

I will assure you of this, the light at the end of the tunnel is calling you to come forth.  Be brave.   You will arrive at your destination.

I am so open sometimes I feel like I need to retreat to solitude. This afternoon has been that retreat.  I have sat in the sunshine and allowed it to caress my skin.  My mind is not racing with thoughts but peace.  Slow breaths in and out, flowing through me.   Release.   I seem to be doing many things lately that require the "re" in front of them.

Reconnecting, reestablishing, reworking, replacing, responding, reaffirming, readjusting, removing, and rearranging.  It brings great joy and peace to my spirit.

I am moving away from what I have known for the past 20 years of my life.  Should I be afraid?  Shouldn't I have anxiety about these plans?  No.  I trust I am moving to exactly where it is I belong.  My heart is already there. It is home.  My physical presence is felt there.  It is home.  I am ready.

The past few months have revealed to me much wisdom, much more than I deserve to know, and I am ever grateful to be able to receive it with an open heart.   I stand in awe and am humbled to be such a vessel.  My cup overflows with this gratitude.

I am so blessed by and thankful for the one who will receive me.   It is no small task to partner with a person, to build a life with them.  It is a decision made daily to love and support the other, to believe and trust their character.  I have surrounded myself with friends who support and uphold my dreams yet it is with this one that my greatest dreams lie and I am overjoyed by their presence, by their support, and by their love.

I was recently in Indiana.  It is one of the states I grew up in.  While I have often had a love/hate relationship with this place due to the challenges of being an adolescent, I have discovered living away from "my home" has made me a richer person, in depth and clarity.   I have also discovered my greatest love in still there, present within her borders.   I have determined I am going home to claim it and cherish it.  

When I gaze into this sunrise it symbolizes the beginning of a new life for me.   A path laid before me I was unsure I would ever find or have access to.  I am always thrilled and in awe of where life takes me and today is no different.   While there are mysteries still here for me to solve, I know in my heart I am being lead by an Unseen Hand to the exact place where I will be able to touch countless lives with this love.   I am humbled to have such a call on my life and this powerful love waiting to welcome me home again.  

I have searched
myself
laid myself bare
when I go down
so deep
I always find you 
there.

My heart lives outside my body

I can feel its beat

in anothers chest

rising and falling

with every breath

My heart is where it belongs

where I belong

every beat

every day

brings me closer

to where I am supposed to be

One day I will come back to

the wholeness I only feel

in part now. 

Until then my heart will

continue to beat

in anothers chest

rising and falling

with every breath.

Are you hungry?  We have fast food but what you probably need is a home cooked meal.  I know of this family run Gasthaus that makes the most amazing Jager Schnitzel.   What is that?  It’s a pork tenderloin with mushroom gravy.  The type of food you call on for comfort; it fills not only your stomach but can also nurture your soul.   You will be here for a short while and we want you to consider this place home.  Come on inside.

 
Don’t forget we want pommes frites on the side, your tour guide calls after the waitress.  What?  Oh, French fries.  She tells you they will be fantastic covered with the mushroom gravy.  There is nothing like the little rush of serotonin to make you feel content and happy.  Although you can have mayo on the side if you prefer, she says.  Mayo?!  What?! 

Your tour guide will often recommend odd things to eat, food that seems strange to you.    Try experiencing a different place through your palate.  Either your taste buds will reveal a new appreciation of the area or if you refuse new flavors, you will be missing an important part of another culture.  One of the most amazing things to find in a new place is the food, foreign yet fantastic.   It's true also you will notice that not everything is rushed in other countries.  Some of life’s best moments are had sitting at a table with friends with a bottle of house wine and laughter while you sample a new dish.   

We race through life most of the time, only pausing to treasure holidays when truly every day is an occasion to cherish your relationships.   Candles are lit here; no one cares if they are in fancy candle holders.  The ones in this Gasthaus are in old beer mugs and the reflective light shines through the hollows of the outer glass beautifully.    The table linens are a little thread bare in spots but the cloth napkins are folded in the shapes of tiny ships so you barely even notice because you are enthralled with the talent it must take to learn how to fold like that.   The smiling face across the table is your tour guide and she is merrily telling tales of this village’s history, the little snippets of information to make this much more than any old trip where you don’t know another soul. 

“So bitte…“ Trails off the voice of your server as platters are laid across the table family style, each with a spoon in it.  Go on, help yourself.    You are amazed at the magnificent spread of food.  You rarely see so many smiling faces around your holiday table.  Yes the décor would probably be considered substandard to those you associate with, those who would never set a table with such items but on this day you come to understand it isn’t the plates and linens that are important;  it is the company you keep.  The celebration of a simple meal shared with a friend in a place where you feel accepted and loved.  This is how every day, every meal should be savored.    Why is it you have to travel so far from home to understand what is truly one of the most important things in life?

I live for
stolen moments
of warmth
spreading through
my limbs
for the tender
kisses I feel
dropped on my skin
for the laughter
that brings light
to my day.
I yearn for
this love
this man
his intensity
his passion
his presence always
consumes me
I thirst to drink from
his cup,
to have it spill over me
splashing
creating a beautiful mess
one I don’t care to clean up
I care only for him and
every moment I treasure
until our forever comes

Peanut butter and Jelly
suit one another
beautifully
each is fair 
on its own
but once they come
together
blending into the other
something happens
the taste is different
sweeter
satisfying the craving
you weren’t aware
you even had
they can remain separate
but peanut butter and jelly
truly belong together   

Change takes time.   Creating art takes time.  It takes minutes, hours, days, months, and years to create a masterpiece.  It also takes contemplation.   I always feel like I have to be in a hurry to get it done but sometimes it may be better to slow the process down and treasure the creation.  As a woman waits nine months for a child to grow in her, she has the time available to wonder what they will look like and who they will become.  Let's approach our creativity in the same way, with the same wonder, and enjoy the process to its completion.

I found this in my writing journal and I wanted to share it with you.  

The main job of a tour guide, most would say, is to make getting around a simple process.   But I’ve already been here before; you assure your guide, don’t worry about me.   Well, perhaps you have, but wandering into Charles de Gaulle Etoile surrounding L’Arc de Triomphe in Paris where half dozen avenues converge isn’t the place to be when you think you know it all.  Let your tour guide help you navigate this insanity.  

No, not yet, as you push in, coming up alongside a bus that seems to be moving horizontally against the traffic; there are horns blaring, fingers flying, palms slamming steering wheels in exasperation.  You find your car is nudged back to the center of the circle again and again. Why does this keep happening to you?  Circling the Arc de Triumph is a little like life; our own stubbornness can keep us going in circles, refusing to accept help until we’ve encountered the same scenery again and again. 

It’s good to have a friendly, non-judgmental face that somehow seems to have the whistle of the nearest Gendarme beside them to help you through the traffic.  Your tour guide easily guides you through the madness and you find yourself safely heading down the Champs-Elysees.  Sometimes having been there and done that before doesn’t always apply in a situation where you find yourself going in circles.   You have to be crazy or brave or even a bit of both to dart into the onslaught of cars, dodging the driver coming at your side door.  

There are no lines on this traffic circle just like there are no lines in life.  When you navigate the path you’re on, it can take you away from the safest route and into places you’re not comfortable with yet your tour guide is there, beckoning you to take that last turn.  It takes a little humility to be able to swallow your pride and admit you didn’t know what you were doing.   But your tour guide won’t ever bring up your mistakes.  They are there to keep you safe, not to dwell on the negative aspects of the situation.  And they will happily recount to anyone standing still that you made it through the Place d’Etoile intact and hearing it re-told with gusto will remind you sometimes the struggle is the best part of the journey.   

Nature and your environment, the places you love speak to you...are you listening?  

My world has a fair amount of water in it.   I am fortunate to live in a place my friends call  "a vacation destination".    There are beaches, fishing galore, historic places, natural beauty, abundant wildlife, different cuisines, shopping, you name it.   It's home to me right now.   Calm and serene usually, the only time there is a ruckus is because of the wake behind your boat.   Life is a little slower here, simpler.   Not too much stimulation to make you jittery but enough to keep you enthralled.

I tell you these things because I wonder where you live in the world.   Do you love it or is it just where you ended up due to family, life circumstances, you name it.   Where would you choose to live if money wasn't an issue?   Do you dream about a house by the sea, moss hanging from an old oak tree in your yard?  Perhaps your vision is on another coast, high above the ocean and sandy beaches?   A timber framed cottage high in the mountains with only the morning mist to greet you or a sprawling ranch on the plains?    

Where do you live in your dreams?   

You may not be able to go back and right the choices you have made 
but you can begin again today to recreate the life you imagined.  ~ Sandy McEuen 

One day my heart will be

allowed to show itself 

Its true feelings 

are hidden away

 

My heart yearns for

these arms 

to hold me close

and never let me

go again

For the touch

the kiss

the smile

the laughter

The voice

I love to listen to, 

a healing balm

for my soul

 

I will wait for time

to makes its move

to clear the way for

my heart to show 

itself  to the world

 

 

 

 

Happiness.  Here, now, in this moment.  What is happiness for you?  


I have found myself and now everyday I find my happiness.  I have become true to my work, to inspire others along the way, and to allow my real self to surface without fear of what anyone might think.

Did you know our Declaration of Independence guarantees us as a right the pursuit of happiness?  It does.  I find that truly amazing.  But of course, the kicker is that we have to pursue it.  


Ultimately, genuine happiness can only be realized once we commit to making it a personal priority in our lives.

My question is this:  Are you pursing happiness in your life?  Do you appreciate happiness when it comes or do you push it aside, feeling unworthy of its presence?  Did you know you can be happy throughout any circumstance in your life?  Would you commit to pursuing happiness this year, if you knew you would really discover it?

Would you like to know what makes me happy?  Simple things:  reading, doing yoga, writing, being warm, speaking French, singing, impromptu hugs from my children and their friends at school, sunshine, watching geese fall gracefully into a still pond, seeing the sun rise and set, watching the clouds in the day and stars at night, fishing, talking and laughing, taking a great picture, making people smile, enjoying a good meal, riding my bike, traveling across the country or across the world...taking time to savor life and all its many blessings.

While I own many things that make me happy in the form of material comforts, my lasting contentment comes more from being grateful and open to everything in life.  Once I began to sow gratitude into my daily life, everything seemed to make me happy because I began to notice how much I already had.

I'm convinced if you begin to seek gratitude in your pursuit of happiness, it may be the only thing you really need to do to open your eyes to what makes you truly happy.

How do you cultivate gratitude?  One of the easiest ways I was taught is to be thankful for what exists in your life right now, writing it down daily, tell yourself out loud, giving thanks as often as you can.  The harvest gratitude brings will come if you are diligent in this process.  For days it may seem as if nothing has happened and then suddenly it will transform your life in a twinkling of an eye.  And then it will seem as if everything will in turn bring you a sense of happiness you may never have experienced before.

I wish happiness finds you today but more importantly, I wish for you to pursue gratitude and happiness will be present in your life always.

For some strange reason...

I have been writing poetry lately. I am fortunate to count some very accomplished poets as my friends. I am thinking they are inspiring me to look closer at my own creativity and experiment. It is quite delightful to write something short and to the point. There is no messing around with character development because your soul has been laid bare on the page for all to see. So I am sharing these with you today because I have to let them out. I hope you understand.

Bewildered I stand
Wondering why a storm raged
out of control
when there was no warning
of a changing weather pattern.
Destruction strewn across miles
with only the distance I travel bringing relief
Time reveals how nature works and how
she washes away the silt.
I am now able to pick up the remains of
myself and begin again to rebuild the home
for my heart.

Like dominoes

one by one they fall

to ego

to pride

to selfishness

Thinking themselves to be

so right

so perfect

above reproach

Yet still they fall flat

with no one there to lessen

the blow

Consumed by a raging fire
burning deep within my soul
my thoughts are scattered
like pages in the wind
my heart yearns for your touch
I want nothing more than to
be in your arms
safe
sheltered from the flames
that seek to devour everything
in their path
But we are apart and I must
stand alone for a time

Where can I go to stop this burning?
What can I drink to quench my
thirst for you and this love?

I bet you've been wondering what I've been up to. Well I have been working feverishly on this book!!! I had two of my fabulous writer friends - Dina Darling and Susan Braun - give me some wonderful contributions for it. Every one of my artistic friends are a gift that I do not take lightly. I love you all.

I can't begin to tell you how freeing it is to meet a goal and more importantly, a dream that has burned in my soul for decades.

So please check it out and buy your copy. If you are looking for a signed one, please let me know and we'll work it out via mail or when I am close to you!

Interconnected by Sandy Sarris Wilson | BOOK INFO

Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance - Jean Antoine Petit-Senn

I must say I'm sorry I haven't been on here very much lately. The computer craziness has added piles of work to my daily round and I'm adjusting my schedule to accomodate the homework my children bring home too.

I wanted to share with you something I enjoy hence the quote today. I enjoy capturing nature's beauty and especially the sun as it traverses the sky. I don't profess to be a great photographer but I am blessed to know a handful of friends who are so very talented in this field and they always encourage me with their kind words. Once again, I have published calendars with some pictures for the new year. I hope you will follow the link on the side of my blog to a site where you can view them and purchase one for yourself and maybe one for a gift. I don't say this because I will be making a huge amount of money because I won't be. I ask it because of how much I enjoy it and I want to pass my love of beauty on to you and yours. I believe abundance is most visible in sharing what we love and enjoy.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

Women are artists of the everyday. the world does not acknowledge or applaud everyday art, so we must. We are the keepers of a sacred truth. We must cherish this wisdom and pass it on to those we love - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it - Buddha

I bet you have been wondering what I've been doing. I have taken to writing a detailed list of things I need to accomplish mainly because time will slip through my fingers just as quickly as sand if I don't focus myself. I hope you do the same or if not, you will begin this habit.

My summer vacation was fun. We went to Chincoteague and Assateague Islands in Virginia. It was peaceful and beautiful. Both islands are very small and within a day, we knew the lay of the land and knew how to get where. We rented a house on the channel that separates the islands and were able to sit on our deck and watch the tide rise and fall dramatically. Herons, egrets, ducks, and ibis' would walk through the tall grasses and water for their daily meals, seagulls would fight over the bait fish on the surface and positions on the dock pilings.
We spent several days on the beach on Assateague. We rode bikes through the trails, were chased down by hungry mosquitoes, and witnessed the gorgeous wild ponies of Assateague in their natural habitat. It was a perfect respite to a hurried summer and when we returned home, the children began school again and my work started afresh.

Of course, there are those who had other designs on my work. Both of my computers; a laptop and desktop, decided to crash within 7 days of one another and taking a small amount of work with them. Fortunately, I have most of my writings and photographs saved and the sweet boy in the computer shop who took my laptop for repairs assured me it would be no trouble to retrieve anything lost. Well it's easy for him to say, right? Until I have it back I feel like I've been stuck in limbo. I had to completely replace my desktop which was actually a necessary thing. Now I have a beautiful new HP computer that is a lot more fun to use, looks really cool and a new printer to boot. I have two children who expect me to re-install a hard drive on the old 'dead' desktop so they can use it. My head just hurts thinking about that, maybe I'll drop it by the sweet boy in town and he can do all that for me?

Have you ever felt like despite your best efforts, roadblocks stand in your way to success? As I have become more in tune with my work, I have found that the subjects I write about tend to irritate and bother the demons in the spirit realm. Really. I actually have a friend who once told me that it disturbed them I had so much contact from them, that it didn't seem natural for a woman of God to be in that position. I could only chuckle.
My calling is not theirs. I deal with spiritual warfare a lot more than I write about it and yes, it is perfectly normal for such interference. It's only 'not normal' when you're not about your Father's business. If I'm not doing what I should be doing, if I'm only going through the motions, well then I'm no trouble. But if there is a passion in my heart for spreading God's word, well then, I am a target and I say, bring it on!

Again, I am waiting patiently, priming the pump with information to once again begin an assault. I've got plenty to do, more lists to make, more emails to respond to, and more hearts to touch. I love the position I am in yet I do not take it lightly. I am thankful for the computer blips and silly setbacks because they serve to remind me I am on the right track. My work will be received by those who are ready when the time is right. My heart is in it and I have given myself over to this work. It defines me, who I am and who I am becoming.

I want you to think about yourself today. Have you discovered your work, your calling? If so, have you given yourself over to it completely? Why not? I know when I finally decided to do this every day has become in a sense, a vacation for me. My work is a joy to create and it brings me a greater measure of satisfaction when I know it is reaching out to others on their paths. Today I hope you will consider these things and create such a world for yourself.

After all, it is those who have a deep and real inner life who are best able to deal with the irritating details of outer life - Evelyn Underhill

What have I been up to lately? My children are home and I find myself pulled in many different directions. We've been in the pool, at friend's houses and I've been in the kitchen, laundry room and garden. I love summer but it is incredibly wearing on my soul some days.

I find during the summer I have to make a conscious effort to spend a few stolen moments doing "me" things. I have my morning ritual that involves complete solitude and meditation. Once I am finished, I find I am ready for my day.

Maybe you think I'm a little crazy but I have found I have to have an inner life in order to deal with real life. I have to have calm and centering time available to me or else I will be an ogre who is angry you have trespassed in their domain. I do forgo a few simple pleasures in the summer, yoga being one of them, in order to spend time with my children. In an effort to keep the house in some semblance of order I have to rush away from the office work and be in constant motion throughout the house. My writing schedule is interupted too because I like to sit with soft music, preferably classical, playing and the kids tend to complain and fight. It's not extremely conducive to perfect clarity and hearing what needs to be said next.

I have some friends who are reaching milestones in their careers, publishing poetry and photography books. I am also working on another calendar to be ready later in the year. There are many ideas and things I want to do but what I need to do right now is slow down, be present in my children's lives because they are growing so quickly. So no, I don't have a word count for you and I can't answer the question, where is the book or books? What I know is I am working on all I can possibly do with as many interruptions as you can imagine. I know my writing and photography is richer and more fulfilling because my life is so filled with love and laughter. I thank God for those who demand my time everyday. I hope you feel the same way about the loved ones in your life.

For now, let's consider what we can do for ourselves to restore the harmony in our inner lives. You can take a walk at night in the cool evening air or cook an amazing meal for your family with the richness of the earth grown in your own garden or from a local farm stand. Breathe in and out slowly. Make it a point to watch the sun rise or set. Pray and praise. Seek Spirit. Love your family and furry friends. Everyday we make countless decisions. Today choose to be at peace in your soul. Find a sacred place in your home or yard where you can tap into a deep reservoir of calm and feel this harmony deep within yourself.